You just broke up 3 days ago or 3 months, or maybe even 3 years ago. Your ex may cross your mind here and there but for the most part, you’re living your life. Basically, your ex is no longer a factor.
Then. They hit you with the “Hey” text, or a “Hey big head”, “You up?” or, “Whagwan sweetbits”…whatever type of text style your ex is into, right out of nowhere. I don’t care what front you may try to put up but we’ve all been there, including myself. You’ve either sent or received “the text” and whether you want to believe it or not, your ex may just be fishing. They want to see if they in some way still got you. They are waiting to see if you still reply with any enthusiasm or sense of urgency. In other words, they want to know if there are still some feelings there are on your end while they make up their mind about IF THEY WANT YOU. Should you respond and catch up on how things are going with each other, or do you press “Ignore” and block the number so you won’t be tempted back into the relationship that ended for a reason? Something like this can go a number of different ways but I know everyone’s situation is different. Not every ex; relationship or break-up plays out the same so what I’m writing won’t apply to everyone. A situation like this can be challenging and it may test your willpower and patience, but if you’re not one of those people who can effortlessly ignore the situation and you tend to be an over-thinker, here are some things to take into consideration to help regulate the millions of thoughts that may be running through your head when that text comes through. It Was the Best of Times; It was The Worst of Times Time heals all wounds, believe me, this is true. But time also has a way misshaping your memory. You think an old relationship was way better than it really was. That same person that was saying the sweetest things or rubbing your back until you fell asleep, was also probably lying to you, or flat out disrespecting your relationship. It’s fine to think about the good times, why not? But don’t forget to consider the bad times and if they’re worth possibly getting back into an undesirable situation. Like I said, everyone’s situations are different, I’m only giving one specific example but the point is to keep your perspective. Logically take into consideration the true measure of the situation before you react. Keep it Short and Sweet Sexual chemistry is REAL, ok?! It took a while for me to understand that seeing my ex was no good because I didn’t make the best decisions when around him. Sexual chemistry can absolutely cloud your better judgment. Human sexuality and attraction are powerful things; don’t underestimate them. If you know you lose your ability to think when your ex is around and giving you the look or saying the right things, don’t even put yourself in that situation. Keep the conversation short and sweet, and then keep it moving. I mean unless you’re into hooking up with your ex(s), then by all means, all power to you. Some ex’s really CAN’T be friends. I’m a firm believer that some couples can’t be friends again, especially after a failed relationship. How many times have you thought you and your ex could quickly grab a coffee, and try to find closure but by the end of the night, there was no coffee had and no closure found? Remember that sexual chemistry I just mentioned? It will still be factor, whether you wait a few weeks or a few months. You wouldn’t date someone you’re not physically attracted to right? The fact is you may never hang out and chill, have a drink and hug it out before you go back to your own lives, especially if your relationship wasn’t originally built on a friendship in the first place. If your relationship did start out from a genuine friendship, then it is possible to get back to that in some cases, but that’s a whole other topic. At the end of the day, you can still have love for them, nothing wrong with that…it just has to be from a distance. The most important thing is to be honest about your feelings and expectations. You don’t have to let them know how you’d like to give things another chance and you’ve been thinking about them. If you want to, go ahead but sometimes relationships boil down to a matter of timing. If you’re single and feel like things might be different, don’t get caught up on trying to prove how great you’re doing without them and then be stressed from fighting how you really feel. Reconnecting with an ex is risky, and people can change and they do grow but only you know what’s right for you. Sincerely, KW
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